5 Ways to Reignite Intimacy Sexually After Having Kids
Parenthood is a beautiful journey filled with love, growth, and connection, but it can also shift the dynamics of intimacy in a relationship. Between sleepless nights, busy schedules, and the responsibilities of raising children, it’s common for couples to find themselves feeling a little out of sync sexually and emotionally. The biggest disconnect in my office is not just in the change of schedule, but the way in which couples become emotionally disconnected in their ways of coping with the responsibilities of parenthood.
While not a fit for all, many women require emotional closeness to feel sexually connected, where men require sexual closeness to feel emotionally connected.
The good news? Rediscovering passion and closeness after having kids is entirely possible with intention, communication, and creativity. One way to handle this is to go to couples therapy together to reignite intimacy and connection. If therapy isn’t an option (yet), here are five ways to sexually reconnect with your partner and prioritize your intimate bond.
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1. Prioritize Emotional Connection with Open Communication
Before diving into physical intimacy, remember that emotional connection is the foundation for a healthy, fulfilling sexual relationship. Parenting can sometimes create distance because your attention is split, leaving little time to check in with your partner emotionally. Rebuilding connection starts with creating safe space for honest communication.
Schedule a “check-in” time to ask each other how you’re feeling, whether about parenting, your relationship, or personal stress.
Scheduling sex is also very normal and not something you should be ashamed or embarrassed about!
Share your desires, fears, and feelings without judgment. For example:
“I miss feeling close to you. I don’t feel up to having sex, but is there a way I can feel close to you?
“I’m feeling a bit disconnected. Do you?
Simple acts of validation and sharing can make both partners feel seen and supported—two critical ingredients for sexual intimacy.
2. Make Time for Date Nights and Intimacy Rituals
When you’re navigating family life, carving out alone time can feel nearly impossible. But even small moments of dedicated connection can reignite romance and passion. Prioritize regular date nights or create special rituals to reconnect as a couple.
Date Ideas:
A quiet dinner out or at home. Get the babysitter, it’s a requirement not an option. I understand that this is not a privilege for everyone but it can be made into one that everyone finds the time for — even if it happens rarely. If a babysitter is not an option, it is possible to ask a friend or family member to help you so that you can feel close again.
Listen to music together when you’re alone so that you can reminisce about times you had together before kids or even with them.
Watching a movie or a TV series together without interruptions.
Intimacy Rituals:
Kiss for 6 seconds a day — science supports the notion that kissing for a bit longer daily can reconnect your brains and intimacy together. You may not have time for more, but being connected in the moment is an important way to remind the brain that doing the action of kissing can feel really good.
A 10-minute cuddle session without devices nearby. Try laying together without your phones or iPads.
Taking a bath or shower together once in a while.
These rituals don’t need to be elaborate—they’re about fostering small, intentional moments of closeness. When you prioritize these shared moments, you send the message: You matter to me.
3. Explore New Experiences Together
Sometimes intimacy becomes routine, especially after having children. If you’re feeling disconnected sexually, trying something new with your partner can spark excitement, curiosity, and adventure. Shared experiences can help you rediscover passion.
Here are a few ways to explore intimacy together:
Experiment with different positions or settings that feel fresh and exciting.
Schedule a weekend getaway for uninterrupted time together.
Try sensual experiences, such as learning to give and receive massage or experimenting with aromatherapy to set the mood.
Explore mutual fantasies or role-play with trust and consent.
The key is to keep the communication flowing and ensure both partners feel safe, comfortable, and excited to explore together.
4. Prioritize Physical Affection Without Expectations
In our office it’s called “non-sexual sexual affection” this means there is sexually driven connection without the expectations of intercourse. There are many different kinds of sex and the different types of sex can include touch, connection, and exploration. Also, simple, non-sexual physical gestures can pave the way for rekindling intimacy. Holding hands, cuddling on the couch, or even resting your head on your partner’s shoulder can remind you of your bond.
Non-sexual touch builds trust and connection:
Run your fingers through your partner’s hair.
Kiss them spontaneously, without expecting anything.
Hold them close during a quiet moment.
These small gestures are powerful because they show you care. They can help reduce pressure and allow desire to grow naturally without feeling forced or obligatory.
5. Create a “Bedroom Reboot” with Scheduled Intimacy
With busy lives and parenting demands, spontaneous intimacy can feel challenging. That’s okay. Scheduled intimacy can take the pressure off and ensure that you’re actively prioritizing your relationship. It gives both partners a chance to mentally prepare, set aside time, and look forward to connection.
Here’s how to approach it:
Plan for time together—whether it’s once a week or every two weeks. Set aside time when you can connect without distractions.
Communicate your needs beforehand. Discuss what each of you would like, emotionally and physically, to feel most connected during these moments.
Make it fun, not a chore. Plan something exciting or relaxing to look forward to rather than feeling like a duty.
When you view intimacy as a shared priority instead of something that can easily slip off your to-do list, you can rebuild trust and passion more consistently.
Final Thoughts: Reconnecting is a Journey, Not a Destination
Reigniting intimacy after children isn’t about returning to “how things were” before parenthood: News Flash!!! It’ll never be the way it was before children, because you’ll never be who you were without them ever again. It’s about creating new ways of connecting that fit your current life, challenges, and family dynamics. Your connection doesn’t need to look like it did in the early days of your relationship—what matters most is mutual understanding, trust, and the desire to prioritize your bond.
Remember: you’re a team. With mutual effort, creativity, and compassion, you can create a deeper, more fulfilling connection that honors your relationship and your role as parents.
Be patient with each other and with the process. Every small step you take toward connection is a big win.
